My counselling clients here in Bramhall, Cheshire inform my practice and writing. I have noticed that there are four common features reported by my counselling clients who present with negative stress response issues.

1. Emotional attachment to the external - you love the job, or you love the person that you are caring for, or the family the job supports. This reliance on the external leaves your locus of control dependant on external factors - your happiness depends on how others respond, or even what the weather is like!
2. At some level, the demands that you have are unwanted - they can be unwanted at a high or even low level. Much of the appraisal of whether a demand is wanted or unwanted is done at a subconscious level. We are constantly appraising perceived risk and wanted/unwanted demands.
3. Unrealistic expectation of self is the driving force that motivates us to carry on with unwanted demands even though our bodies may be screaming at us to slow down. These often originate in childhood - perhaps your role was to look after the family, parents wanted 100% in all the exams, or you received a message that you must try your best at all times. Such belief systems result in a striving for a perfection that eludes us all. As human beings, I believe, we are perfectly imperfect, and we should be kinder to ourselves - forgive ourselves for being human! A calmer more realistic state is more productive in the long run.
4. To be excluded from the tribe in our not too distant past would result in death. We are social animals who thrive when we feel loved and supported. Sure, we sometimes need some time on our own - but a sense of isolation - that could be felt through low pay, being ignored or side-lined can leave us feeling threatened and anxious.

All of the above factors leave us in the ‘red-zone’ with our threat systems at work. This is a useful state to be in when crossing a busy road, but not running on a constant basis.

We need to get into the ‘green-zone’ more often; this is a place of safe-ness, relaxation, repair, digestion and renewal.

I offer the following alternative Well-being model that will help to create a green state.

If you live in Greater Manchester, Stockport or Cheshire - or within an easy drive of Bramhall and you would like to discuss how counselling for stress could help you - please contact us on 0161 439 7773 or email me - jonathan@calmminds.com .

We also run Well-being workshops for companies around the U.K...

We run bespoke stress management courses for teachers through SRM (UK) - see www.srmuk.org.

I have just returned from snowy Scotland and a wonderful weekend workshop on Compassion Focused Therapy. I would like to express my thanks to Paul Gilberts’ team, including Chris Geber for their many words of wisdom.

Mindfulness and compassion are a constant component of my way of being with my counselling and hypnotherapy clients, although many light bulbs were going off this weekend. To be mindfully aware of your emotions, body and surroundings and sitting with your suffering (rather than trying to escape it) can be enlightening. Although on it’s own it may not provide all the answers to human givens such as self talk, self criticism, self doubt, guilt and shame. I believe that compassion is the necessary component that bridges that gap – compassion for self and other.

“Treat others as you would have them treat yourself” is the often used maxim that in theory offers a view of life that is equitable and balanced. However, in my experience of working with clients who have lived most of their lives in a state of threat, or at some level have been shamed by others, who often have a such a low sense of their own worth that they find it easier to treat others and think of others in a far better light than themselves. The metaphorical stick to hit themselves with.

Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for being human and put that ‘stick’ down, let go of the shame imposed by others and move on – congratulating ourselves for the resultant learning. This isn’t a lame excuse for treating others badly – far from it – it is about listening to the wise caring voice in us that has our best interests at heart – and that includes being kind to ourselves and others too. Kindness is viral, you let someone out in the traffic and someone gives you directions – or helps you out of the snow (very topical for the early snow we are having this year). I believe that most of our suffering is caused by our resistance to ‘what is’; our resistance to pain. If we can get in touch with the pain and respond with uncommon kindness this may just help in a big way?

I intend to write more on this subject soon. If you would like to discuss how self compassion and kindness can be the antidote to self criticism and toxic shame through counselling, mindfulness or hypnosis then please contact me at Calm Minds in Bramhall. Or visit www.compassionatemind.co.uk for more information.

Jonathan Lloyd
November 2010

It’s that run up to Christmas - lots of worries and anxiety seem to be around. The continuing war and the fallout from the banking crisis provide a fertile backdrop for stress and negativity. I am reminded that for some the challenge is used a positive motivator to fight back and create and build an authenticity and happiness and for others this nightmare is all too much and they know they can’t cope. These opposite polarised belief systems are often connected to messages received in childhood - but not always so. The negative aspect is born out of a belief that the individual isn’t in control - it’s the external that will control their happiness - “how people think of me”, “how happy my partner is”, “how work is going”. Whereas the positive person takes responsibility for their own feelings and they seem immunised in part to external influences - “if I’m made redundant I will show them by making a go of it my own”.

I see my job as a counsellor and therapist is to help my clients find their pen and write the next chapter of their lives for themselves. It’s always there, it’s our pen, it’s our paper - but we want other people to write our story for us! I continue encouraging clients to write their own stories throughout the counselling process.

I also continue to be busy with my hypnotherapy work; the presenting issue of weight loss is the most popular at this time of year. I find this work fascinating - no one client is the same. Stress, emotions, habits, childhood messages, inner-child, authentic living and many varied factors are at play. It is never just about eating too much and exercising too little, I believe that the mind is involved at a deep level. The less we talk about eating the more successful the therapy seems to be. I was delighted to hear of a client recently who had made significant changes, using the counselling and hypnotherapy, in her life and the happy by-product was a 3 and a half stone weight loss - which has stayed off without the need for a diet. She has left the field of diets and obsessions.

Our new diploma in hypnotherapy starts in January at Tameside General Hospital, if you would like to consider a career change - please visit www.ncoch.co.uk for more information.

Jonathan Lloyd
November 2010

We are all back from our summer holidays, ready for that busy period through to December and Christmas. The nights are starting to draw in incredibly quickly and autumn is around the corner. How does this affect things from a counselling and hypnotherapy point of view? Holidays can be stressful - particularly if they involve unwanted demand. We automatically assume that chilling by the pool is the panacea, but if you don’t want to be there and you would rather be doing something else - then negative stress responses kick in. Also, extended periods with your loved ones can expose cracks in relationships; more couples seek counselling after summer holidays and Christmas than any other time of the year. If you need help with your relationship either individually or as a couple - our counsellors can help. If stress continues to be an issue even after a break and you are looking down the barrel of yet more unwanted work, call us for stress management - this can be done, again, individually or as a group in a workshop. This can be a stressful time of year, with money worries creating unwanted demands upon you. Counselling can help you focus on what really matters and empowers the client to make choices. I believe that when it comes to stress, choosing to take a certain course is important.

This is also the time of year that spiders, wasps and other creepy crawlies come into the house. If you can’t stand the thought of being in the same room as something that crawls around, scared of looking into the bath - you may be pleased to know that this phobia or irrational fear can easily and straightforwardly be dealt with using hypnotherapy. Those of you wanting to catch some late “Indian Summer” (from North America not India apparently) by catching a plane - but are scared of flying - I have helped quite a number of people to overcome their fear and enjoy a well deserved break.

So for hypnotherapy for phobias or counselling for stress or relationships in Bramhall, Stockport, Cheshire ~ give us a call at Calm Minds.

Jonathan Lloyd
Sept 2010

It's that time of year again - that feeling that you want to join in and enjoy a holiday with your friends, partner or family, but you can't get on that plane (or boat)! Sometime ago you picked up this fear, it could have been a turbulent flight, some bad news received when travelling or the contagious anxiety effect - picking up the fear from Mum or Dad. It feels very real and it seems to get worse rather than better.

As a hypnotherapist, I really enjoy helping people onto the plane. Holidays are so important in today's stressful environment. The relief is tangible, and the phobia is usually easy to overcome using hypnotherapy. Three or four sessions is normally enough to reframe the irrational fear. All of my clients in the 2009 season got on the plane using hypnosis and other coping techniques, I don't know how their holidays went ~ that (like the weather) is out of my control!

If you would like to catch some Summer sun and get there quickly - give Calm Minds a call.

Have a relaxing and calm Summer, I will be back with the blogging in the Autumn. We will be contactable throughout August - although we will be away the 1st and 3rd week - even therapists need a break!

Jonathan Lloyd

Summer 2010

It has been sometime since I last put down some words about hypnosis. I continue to teach hypnotherapy for the Northern College of Creative Hypnotherapy at Tameside General Hospital (see www.ncoch.co.uk if you want more information) and I reflect that when you teach a subject it has a profound impact on your practice and visa versa. My teaching feeds my hypnotherapy practice and my hypnotherapy practice feeds my teaching. I am also blessed to teach alongside my good friend Ray Jenkinson, who is a constant inspiration and reminder of creative connection.

I have found that I have moved away from a structured script-based approach to hypnotherapy to a more creative intuitive and innovative way. This is underpinned by a confidence in my ability to be more intuitive together with the knowledge that I can encourage my clients to find their own answers. Sometimes they don’t even need to know consciously what they are changing or letting go of. Sometimes this feels like we are taking a risk, although the subsequent feedback is positive. I do believe that as therapists and practitioners we have an ethical commitment to research the effectiveness of our work. This needs to be balanced with good ethical practice, confidentiality and care for participants. If you would like to be involved in any research into the effectiveness of hypnotherapy I would love to here from you.

I continue to work using creative hypnotherapy for all kinds of issues from smoking, weight control, phobias, confidence, stress management, fear, relationships and spiritual issues. Please feel free to give me a call if you are unsure.

Jonathan Lloyd

In his wonderful book, The Compassionate Mind, Paul Gilbert laments that despite the fact we live in a world of unprecedented wealth and comfort there is evidence that we are becoming more miserable and irritable in a stressful hurry-hurry society. The business model lifestyle is causing us unhappiness. It wasn’t too long ago that we were all promised early retirement due to improved technology. I can’t help but smile at that thought as I type this on my laptop, in some ways technology seems to have made life busier and we are more exposed to availability.

However, I can’t accept that it is just internal influences that influence our negative stress response; it’s about our perception too.

In a recent paper I have introduced a model of what clients say about stress. There appear to be four common factors at play, as seen below:-

Emotional Attachment to External

One cause of the stress process involves some form of strong emotional attachment to the ‘external’. For example, a client may report that they “love the job”, “I hate the job, but I need it to feed my family” or “I feel obliged to look after my elderly Mother”. The client may feel that they have no control, because they love the job, family or Mother so much and their locus of control is external. Higher levels of stress response are apparent when the locus of control is perceived to be external.

Feeling Unsupported

The perception of lack support and isolation during a stressful period in life can add to the negative response - the direct effect model. The buffer model of support is often reported by clients as a feeling of being undervalued or unheard, which can manifest at work in low pay, perceived low status, poor working conditions and bullying. It is also apparent out of work, in relationships, at home with domestic responsibilities/parenting or in a caring relationship.

Counselling could also be viewed as a form of support, and a number of reports confirm the effectiveness of this form of support in helping with stress levels.

Unwanted Demand

The appraisal of unwanted demand is commonly reported by my clients with stress response symptoms, normally with unwanted high demand. The key issue in that negative stress arises in the interaction between the environment and the person, and the demands on the person are perceived as being unwanted and being out of balance with their ability to respond. Such imbalances appear to occur if the demands are too high (crises, overload of work or responsibility) or too low (unemployment or dull routine).

High Self/Other Expectation

My counselling work with clients reporting high stress levels can often include a level of unrealistic expectation on ‘self’, which can also project onto ‘other’. Those with the personality traits of striving hard for achievement and success also leave people prone to stress related illnesses such as coronary heart disease. I do not believe that my clients in this field relate to the classic Type A personality as they were not apparently always aggressive or competitive. The unrealistic expectation levels appear to have their roots in early life and clients will report that, for example, “I am still trying to impress my Father, he never seemed to be pleased with anything I did, 99% wasn’t enough for him”. This type of message received from a significant other can set up a concept of self which can often be projected onto others, leaving the client feeling let down. What would usually be perceived as a challenge is taken to a level where nothing is good enough and only perfection will do. I found that a perfectionist attitude can rob you of a sense of personal satisfaction and cause you to fail to achieve.

If you want to find out more about stress, either with one to one counselling or workshops for your business, please contact me at Calm Minds in Bramhall.

Jonathan Lloyd

This is about as close as I am going to get to being a ‘rock star’! I have spent a number of days in rural Northants in the recording studios – Fit Dog Studios which is run by a wonderful couple Chris and Louise.

I have set up a separate site for downloads – www.wellbeing-online.com – which will enable those who perhaps can’t get to visit a hypnotherapist the opportunity of listening to my recordings.

There are currently three downloads available at £9.99 each – Somni is a sleep aid recording, and the feedback from individuals who have enjoyed a deep sleep after using Somni is very encouraging. Most people don’t get to the end of the recording – they are already asleep! I believe it is an excellent sleep-aid.

Serana for de-stress is also available. It is useful to create a calm and relaxed place to let go of stress and improve your state.

Laetus is a confidence download. If you feel insecure and don’t like being the centre of attention – this is the confidence download for you.

I will be recording a session on self-esteem in May.

All of the downloads include relaxing music and are of a far higher quality than I can create in my therapy rooms. Please do not play them in the car or whilst working machinery – you will drift into a pleasant relaxing place – not ideal for driving!

If you are in any doubt that listening to a download is not enough for you and you feel the need to speak to someone face to face, please contact your local hypnotherapist or counsellor. The HA and BACP websites have lists of qualified therapists.

Jonathan Lloyd
April 20

Since the current concept of stress was formulated in the 1950s stress has become a word used extensively in modern everyday language. Roskies (1983, p.542) explains the astronomical change in the use of the word ‘stress’,  “from it’s humble origins as a laboratory term in the 1950s, stress has now become a short-hand symbol for explaining much of what ails us in the contemporary world invoked to explain conditions as diverse as nail biting, smoking, homicide, suicide, cancer, and heart disease”. In the twentieth century the pace of life has been viewed as the root cause of much illness (Cooper and Dewe, 2004). During the 1980s and 1990s there was an explosion in the interest in stress. Much of the current theory and literature around stress were written in these decades, possibly because there was so much stress around? Indicative of the sheer volume lies in a 1995 report which indicated that stress played a major factor in 70% of visits to the family doctor (Posen, 1995). Powell and Enright (1990) allude to the size of the problem by the end of the 1980s. An estimated eighty percent of all diseases have their beginnings in stress, one in five British females are prescribed tranquilisers, in the USA there is a reported five hundred percent increase in coronary heart disease over the last fifty years, eight million in the US have stomach ulcers and twelve million have alcohol problems, forty million days are lost to British industry to stress related conditions and finally Americans took five billion doses of tranquilisers and sixteen thousand tonnes of aspirin each year. These figures have increased subsequently and continue to increase.

I reflect on the possible reasons for the stark increase in the report of stress related problems. To my mind there are many possibilities.  There is a possibility that they have always been there and we now have a ‘pigeon-hole’ to place them in or the stigma of stress related illness has diminished. Whilst these are probable contributory factors they do not fully reflect the other causes. I see them at a Meta and Macro level - there have been significant changes of the last three decades. Many countries have seen significant development in material development; ways of working and technology have become more and more sophisticated, new weapons have been developed, wars are being fought over energy sources, new diseases have appeared, the environment is being polluted and global warming is on the increase. On a personal level, media-led high expectations drive us in search of the “perfect job”, the “perfect home” and the “perfect partner” and despite the increase in personal wealth we are left feeling unsatisfied and wanting more. You could say that our spiritual connection with what it is to be truly human and enjoying a spiritual connection with the environment is waning, see Gyatso (2000 pp 2-3).

References

• Cooper, C.L., & Dewe, P. (2004). Stress – A Brief History. Malden MA: Blackwell.
• Gyatso, G.K., (2000). Eight Steps to Happiness. Ulverston: Tharpa.
• Posen, D.B. (1995). Stress management for patient and physician. Canadian Journal of Continuing Medical Education, Vol.121, 213-245.
• Powell, T., & Enright, S. (1990). Anxiety and Stress Management. London: Tavistock/Routledge.
• Roskies, E. (1983). Stress Management: Averting the evil eye. Contemporary Psychology, 28, 542-544

I am extremely pleased to announce that I have joined forces with my original hypnotherapy tutor to form a new college of hypnotherapy. Ray Jenkinson and I are running an advanced diploma in hypnotherapy at Tameside General Hospital from this April. If you would like some more information on how to become a qualified hypnotherapist please have a look at the Northern College of Creative Hypnotherapy website – www.ncoch.co.uk.

The course will run over ten weekends from April to September and costs £1850 and will cover a wide range of topics from inductions, ethics, smoking, weight loss, sleep, stress management, past lives, phobias and many more.

If you would like to consider becoming a qualified hypnotherapist and enjoy a wonderful new career helping others, please contact me at Calm Minds in Bramhall or come along to one of our presentations at Tameside General.

Jonathan Lloyd March 2010

A short while ago I was contacted by an excellent local driving school based in Bramhall; run by a friend of mine Beverly Slater (see http://www.beverlyslater-drivingschool.com for more information on Beverly’s school which now employs I believe 16 instructors.)

One young lady client of theirs had suffered from anxiety during her previous four attempts to pass the practical element of her test. It was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy that should fail due to nervousness culminating in a fear of failing and feeling judged.

Beverly and her colleagues thought that hypnotherapy for performance anxiety was worth a try for their client. We spent sometime discussing her issues and three hypnotherapy sessions were arranged, with the final one the evening before her test. Some of the hypnotherapy sessions were recorded so she could listen to them over again at her leisure and the suggestions around relaxation and confidence were reinforced. The final hypnosis session left her feeling extremely confident and up for the challenge the next day. As with most phobias or anxiety issues it usually best to arrange the therapy shortly before you plan testing it out.

I was delighted to hear the very next day that she had passed her test and as you can imagine she was extremely pleased at her new found freedom, enabling her to drive all over the North West and beyond!

If you would like to find out more about how hypnotherapy can help with all kinds of issues, including performance anxiety and driving tests, please contact Calm Minds in Bramhall, Stockport.

Jonathan Lloyd

In this blog I will review John Bradshaw's 'Home Coming: Reclaiming & Championing Your Inner Child'.

In context, this book was recommended by a friend who is a counsellor who works in the field of addiction. She had found it to be extremely potent and useful way of helping her clients heal past wounds. Perhaps a not untypical way in which therapists pass on knowledge, based on first hand experience with clients, absent of broader clinical research?

I can relate to my 'inner child', particularly at the time that I write this blog at Christmas. I can notice the 'playful child' who enjoys sledging and snow fights and the 'sulky child' who doesn't get exactly what he wanted. A book that could help me understand my own inner child and the inner children of my clients appealed on a number of levels.

John Bradshaw

John Bradshaw was born in 1933 in Texas and was abandoned by his alcoholic father at an early age. After a troubled teenage period he studied to become a Roman Catholic priest, leaving after nine years, just prior to becoming ordained. He left to continue his studies into psychology, philosophy and theology and at this time he developed a drinking problem. In 1965 he committed himself into hospital for the treatment of his dependency.

Bradshaw's Inner Child Model

During the 1980s Bradshaw developed a workshop to help people find and embrace their inner child. This concept seems to resonate for me when working with clients when their past is colouring their 'now'.

He draws on Jungian theory and claims that once people have reclaimed and nurtured their wounded inner child the creative energy of their natural child begins to emerge. This is why all children are artists actors and showmen and why most of us experience nostalgia for this period of our lives from time to time. Given a supportive environment the wonder child has great potentiality.

Bradshaw offers a four stage linear process to identify, reclaim and champion the inner child.

1. The first stage "looks at how your wonder child (taken from Jung's description) lost his wonder and how wounds sustained in childhood continue to contaminate your life." (p.xv). Here Bradshaw refers to co-dependence, which he describes as "to be out of touch with one's feelings, needs, and desires" (p.8) and other evidence of inner child contamination such as offender behaviours, narcissistic disorders, trust issues, intimacy dysfunction, acting out and magical thinking. He explains the possible causes as being a lack of love and affection, spiritual wounds, physical/sexual/emotional abuse, cultural shame – described as - "our culture has its own system of perfection that spiritually wounds us. We have perfect 10's. We have men with big penises and women with big breasts and firm buttocks. If your genitals are not big, you're considered inferior" (p.46), and toxic shame "with toxic shame there's something wrong with you and there is nothing that you can do about it; you are inadequate and defective. Toxic shame is at the core of the wounded child" (p.47). Shame in the appropriate context is a useful feeling, but when the shame is inauthentic and as a result of culture or upbringing it can create a low sense of self, lack of confidence and co-dependence.
   
   In the second part of the process Bradshaw builds on Berne's Transactional Analysis. Bradshaw (1990, p.xiii-xv) states "I now believe that a lack of developmental detail is a shortcoming in most TA work". The purpose of the book is to help to reclaim the wounded inner child at each stage of development, which he describes as infant (0-9 months), toddler (9-18 months), preschool (3-6 years), school age (6 years to puberty), and adolescence (13-26 years). For each developmental stage he encourages what he calls original pain work, a grieving process of losses in childhood. He describes original pain as "actually experiencing the original repressed feelings…the good news is that original pain work involves nature's own healing process. Grief is the healing feeling. We will heal naturally if we are just allowed to grieve" (Bradshaw 1990, p.75-76). The abuse is validated by a group or therapist and then a process of completing questionnaires (or 'index of suspicion') for each developmental stage to ascertain at which stage or stages your child was wounded. A number of answers in the positive is enough to trigger the next process, which is a debrief of that stage to the group or therapist followed by an exchange of letters between your adult and child selves. The purpose of the letter writing is to provide positive affirmations to the child. In Bradshaw (1990, p.93) he explains that "positive affirmations reinforce our being-ness and can heal the spiritual wound". Affirmations such as 'welcome to the world' and 'I'm so glad that you are here' give the client the chance to 're-parent' the wounded child. The final aspect of this phase is a meditation done in a group or with a partner, where the original pain work and affirmations are reinforced using age regression techniques originally adopted from the work of the renowned hypnotherapist Milton Erickson.
2. In the third part of the process Bradshaw draws on a number of exercises to help your child flourish through a re-parenting process and developing new relationships in order that "you will stop attempting to complete the past by setting up others to be your parents". (Bradshaw 1990 p.xv.) Although he later encourages the reader to seek out additional 'good parents'.
3. The final stage involves working with your 'wonder child'. How to access your wonder child and how to release their potential for creative and transformative energy.

This is a linear model similar in its process to Egan's Skilled Helper, Brief Solution Focussed Therapy and many other models. The inclusion of Bradshaw's personal and appropriate phenomenology adds to the potency of his argument, although the spiritual aspect may be off-putting to some.

If you want to find and heal your inner-child with counselling and hypnosis, please call us at Calm Minds – 0161 439 7773.

References

Bradshaw, J. (1990). Homecoming. New York: Bantam.

I am delighted to be able to announce two events that I will be involved with.

Firstly, a new venture that finds me, along with my original (I was going to say old – but he might get upset) tutor Ray Jenkinson teaching hypnotherapy. We have formed the Northern College of Creative Hypnotherapy Ltd and we will be delivering an advanced diploma at Tameside General Hospital from this March. The course, which offers an exciting new perspective on Hypnotherapy Training, takes place over ten weekends over a period of six months. Graduates will be fully qualified Hypnotherapists on completion of the course and we will be helping with on-going support, including training, supervision and marketing. The information evening is being held on Wednesday 27th January at 7 pm at The Werneth Building, Tameside General Hospital. See www.ncoch.co.uk for more information.

The following day, the 28th January 2010, I am "on stage" at the CUC in Liverpool. Inexcess TV are hosting a Day of Recovery to an audience of 430 drug and alcohol workers. The special guest is Byron Katie, the well known author and creator of "The Work". I am looking forward to meeting with Katie and discussing her work and also the challenge of encouraging so many people into a peaceful state (or trance). I hope to learn more about how counselling and hypnotherapy can help, particularly with addictions. For more information, please visit www.inexcess.tv or www.byronkatie.com. I understand that the day is fully booked; DVDs are available if you contact Inexcess.

Steve, one of my counselling tutors had a saying that has stuck with me; "who wrote the shoulds?".

The truth is we all write our own shoulds and shouldn'ts. We all learn that it's not ok to do this, and we ought to be doing that. Usually these instructions come from our parents – "children should be seen and not heard", "you shouldn't be so upset about that", "you should finish all the food on your plate, think of all those starving children!" or from teachers "behave, be quiet, stand to attention" etc...

Of course the blame game doesn't usually work as our parents were usually doing their best and using what they were taught.

Shoulds are all around us, they come, I believe, in three categories. Firstly, there is the law that should be obeyed, although many have campaigned against unjust laws (slavery, women's votes and the poll tax come to mind.) Then there are our moral laws, sometimes with a religious element. However, these are flexible and open to debate (the current debate over homosexuality in the Anglican Church) and change over time.

Then we come to the shoulds that we impose upon ourselves and those around us. Often they are used as a moral stick to hit ourselves with, a way to be unkind to ourselves and prove that we are 'bad' (which satisfies what we have been told at sometime in our lives and unfortunately we believe at a deep level.)

Using counselling you can review your 'shoulds' and see which ones are useful to you and help you live a happy contented life, and which ones riddle you with inappropriate guilt and lead to sleepless nights. This type of should usually create a high level of expectation on yourself and is then projected onto others, so you are constantly left feeling let down, anxious and stressed.

If you would like to know more about 'shoulds' and how counselling and therapy in general can work and you live in Stockport, Cheshire or Greater Manchester please call us at Calm Minds in Bramhall – 0161 439 7773.

Well the New Year has arrived along with the drifts of snow in Cheshire and Greater Manchester – in most of the UK in fact. The anticipated start of work has been delayed for many of us. Nice for the ‘inner child’ in us all that wants to sledge and throw snow balls – but not for the ‘parent’ in us that needs to work, earn and provide. Quite frustrating when you can’t get your car off the drive after such a long absence.

I question if the New Year Resolution has been postponed too. Is it too slippery to go for that run, I can’t quite make it to the gym in this weather, or perhaps I need that chocolate bar because it’s so cold outside?

New Year Resolutions are a strange phenomenon, perhaps a natural knee-jerk reaction to the festivities that precede the start of the year. It seem like a good time to lose weight, stop smoking or try to change some behaviour, and if you are motivated to do something positive, then that is absolutely fine.

However, have you ever wondered why they don’t seem to last? Why do gymnasiums sign us up for a year and then most of us stop going in February? The answer is quite simple, it is about habits. We are creatures of habit, we wake up at the same time and then our subconscious is on auto-pilot. Breakfast, smoke, shower, drive to work (usually the same route), coffee (maybe a biscuit – chocolate perhaps), work, lunch (same time each day), home (probably the same way as you went in), tea, TV, and then to bed after brushing your teeth. I happen to like a glass of Lefe on a Friday night, in the kitchen, never in the lounge.

That is my habit, and habits are so hard to break, because they are engrained into the sub conscious (the most powerful part of the mind.) Trying to consciously break a habit is like swimming against the tide. That is why generally diets don’t work for weight loss and stopping smoking on your own is notoriously difficult. In my experience the best way to break a habit is by using hypnotherapy.

Hypnotherapists relay a suggestion directly to the subconscious, and therefore if you want to stop smoking or want to eat more healthily this can be done relatively easily using hypnosis.

If you would like to talk to someone about breaking a habit that is going to make a permanent change and not a New Year fad, call us at Calm Minds on 0161 439 7773.