My counselling clients here in Bramhall, Cheshire inform my practice and writing. I have noticed that there are four common features reported by my counselling clients who present with negative stress response issues.

1. Emotional attachment to the external - you love the job, or you love the person that you are caring for, or the family the job supports. This reliance on the external leaves your locus of control dependant on external factors - your happiness depends on how others respond, or even what the weather is like!
2. At some level, the demands that you have are unwanted - they can be unwanted at a high or even low level. Much of the appraisal of whether a demand is wanted or unwanted is done at a subconscious level. We are constantly appraising perceived risk and wanted/unwanted demands.
3. Unrealistic expectation of self is the driving force that motivates us to carry on with unwanted demands even though our bodies may be screaming at us to slow down. These often originate in childhood - perhaps your role was to look after the family, parents wanted 100% in all the exams, or you received a message that you must try your best at all times. Such belief systems result in a striving for a perfection that eludes us all. As human beings, I believe, we are perfectly imperfect, and we should be kinder to ourselves - forgive ourselves for being human! A calmer more realistic state is more productive in the long run.
4. To be excluded from the tribe in our not too distant past would result in death. We are social animals who thrive when we feel loved and supported. Sure, we sometimes need some time on our own - but a sense of isolation - that could be felt through low pay, being ignored or side-lined can leave us feeling threatened and anxious.

All of the above factors leave us in the ‘red-zone’ with our threat systems at work. This is a useful state to be in when crossing a busy road, but not running on a constant basis.

We need to get into the ‘green-zone’ more often; this is a place of safe-ness, relaxation, repair, digestion and renewal.

I offer the following alternative Well-being model that will help to create a green state.

If you live in Greater Manchester, Stockport or Cheshire - or within an easy drive of Bramhall and you would like to discuss how counselling for stress could help you - please contact us on 0161 439 7773 or email me - jonathan@calmminds.com .

We also run Well-being workshops for companies around the U.K...

We run bespoke stress management courses for teachers through SRM (UK) - see www.srmuk.org.